2003-09-30 - 9:24 p.m.
i dont want your sympathy - apparently everythings my fault anyhow.
so apparently most things are mostly my fault around here. the volleyball game was once again hell. i got to play half a fucking game. again. gopi gets to play in my spot. i can accept that shes better than me. shes cool. but why the hell would you take me out when theres other fuckups who need to get their asses into gear. they have no idea whats going on. at least i try. its cool gopis good. but she gets to play first game and in my place. what about cara? i dont see coach taking her out. or jasmine. or anyone else. why the hell does she take me out? i do as much as i can for this team. i am the fucking team motivator. our team is not team like in the least bit. i have to yell for us after everything. i try to get us into the game. i try.
and after the game im so pissed at myself or coach or anyone im practically in tears - just trying to hold them back. and my dad come up and says, "whats up? they did a lot better after you were out." WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? so then im just trying to disquise my tears for contact problems because they were ful-on running down my face. nd my father has the nerve to come in and ask whats wrong. what the hell does he thinks wrong. my father just bitched me out.
-quote of the day-
"did i say bitch? i meant to say fucking bitch."-katie
