2004-02-14 - 2:26 p.m.
here i am pouring my heart onto these rooftops.
i feel so fucked up.
god i just cant stand it.
i sound like one of those pathetic highschool students who slowly slip into depression.
oh wait. i am.
except for the depressed part.
im not depressed.
just really really sad.
and i haven't even started thinking that - hey its valentines day and im alone again.
i haven't thought about it.
except for that.
im just so alone not today. like all the time.
like no one gets me.
not even me.
i just want to go somewhere and maybe be happy.
im not supposed to have that kind of fun though apparently.
the odds are all against me.
the last time i was infinately happy was in atlanta a year ago.
jr high and highschool screwed me over.
the last 5 days i have been so lucid. yesterday i actually looked lucid. and peparted.
like a crystal.
i can't even make up my own analogies damnit.
thanks something corporate.
i was going to go to this show. but its not at three its a 6. id be leaving right now for it.
it got so fucked up.
i think the heat in our house is broken.
its like 10 degrees. im so cold.
yet feel warm and wasted.
my fingers are numb and my feet out tingling.
i wish it were summer.
i could smell the ocean air.
and pour my heart onto rooftops.
see? i can't even make up my own day dreams.
thanks to story of the year.
damn i have no idea why people waste their time on this diary.
its just me
ranting.
i just wonder. how i could, possibly do anything to make this life better.
id do it.
i just don't know how.
i was so fucked that i actually did my math homework. i even did a really long problem. the whole thing.
i feel so calm. like now calm like silent inside.
that never happens.
like i can just sit here and think and think and lose myself.
i am so fucking tiered.
