2004-02-28 - 2:27 p.m.
konfusion
"i want you to know that i miss you. i miss you."
"did you know i miss you? i miss you. oh god i miss you."
is it possible to miss someone youve never met? i think so. i do. ive never met the right person but yet i still miss them.
i went to this coffee house sponsered by SADD last night to see the band play. the coffee house was lame but the band kicked ass. honestly though, as much ass dreading monday kicked the kid who played in between them was a hell of alot better. and it was one kid. there was this one song that austin and jennas boyfriend played without words and it was one of the best songs i ever heard. it said nothing but completely everything that you need to know. kickass.
realizing that those kids are freaking talented make me feel so small and insignifigant. my dad told me last night at the dinner table that i looked like the lead singer of a band and that i should practice singing. heh. like id be good enough. or brave enough for that matter.
i also talked to katie and rachel last night for awhile about highschool and how all the guys are jerks and go after the popular standard girls. i just cant do it. i cant lower myself to that level. or raise myself. in highschool guys like flirts more than originals. and every guy i think might be different is static. exactly the same. i just need this one person and i cant fucking find them.
ive taken to singing konstantine around the house. it takes me ten minutes to sing so i can do a lot in that time such as; clean the bathroom, take a shower, block out a whole argument, et cetera, et cetera.
when rachel sropped me off last night i came in and my dad says "why are you home?" then i realize that my mom isnt home. and now im realizing that no matter how much fun i have something always tints it. i always fuck something up.
im thinking that ill write a letter and keep it till i meet that person and then ill give it to them. someday. like 'miss america says' "i will write this down. so you can read it." its kind of like the book 'the perks of being a wallflower' he writes letters to this random person and doesnt give a return address. so someone knows everything about him. but the dont know him. i think thatd be cool.
you know. if i had a band (and im talking like an actual one. not the one we descided to make up last night what with sarah rachel katie and emily. thats not in actual existence yet.) and we released an albumn the name would be "numbered" itd have a picture on it of kids standing really tall and straight with a name tag like thing around their necks with their student id number on it. on the back would be a picture of a test and under name it would just say "90635" or something. im going to take these pictures...i dont think theyd get anywhere (yo the finch song im listening to you made my mom get up and close the door). these pictures i came up with one morning after i was thinking about the line from the wall "all in all youre just another brick in the wall" you are just a number. so anyway. if any of you reading this want to be in the picture let me know because i want to actually take it.
look at my kickass picture designed by jordan. hell yea.
