2004-03-07 - 6:39 p.m.
i am willing to bleed my reds and grays. just so i don't have to hurt so much.
well as i was writting before my computer so graciaously kicked me off and my mother called me for a family dinner.
the intruction in my mind, standing looking up at the storm clouds rolling in, said "run". just run. away. to cheryls house. or anywhere but here.
somewhere i could be completely me. i could play my music as loud as i wanted to. and i wouldn't be ridiculed for wearing black band t-shirts or emo glasses. i could go with cheryl and ian to concerts if they wanted me too. and i could write whenever, stay up late into the night playing the piano.
what do i want? i want to live my life. as me. i want to find someone who will be as original as me. i want to yell FUCK YOU to my brother. i want to be amazing. and talented at something like the piano and make up my own songs, with words, and then sing them to someone who will care. i want to be in a band. so i cuold enjoy highschool and always know that i have people standing by my sde (not that i don't because i do just maybe some older people not saying my friends are too young because i love them. just maybe some boys.) i want to be looked at as more than some random girl. i want to be more than this world has to offer me. i want to go to the warped tour. and not have to think about the consequences for once. theyre pretty much letting me. until my mom looked at the calendar and saw that volleyball tryouts may start that same day. not that we know that or not. FUCK VOLLEYBALL. i don't give a shit about it right now. i want to live my life. i just think that i could be more than whats been offered to me.
i need something to get me through the days of highschool that drag out before me like a long dirt road surrounded by nothingness. no silver lining. no bonus. and i look at all the talented kids at my school. and i just have huge respect for them. being so cool. music is just the coolest thing ever and if you can put stuff together madcrazy props to you. i just want someone to give me a chance.
"you're the one that makes me hurt. YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MAKES ME BLEED."
