2004-08-26 - 9:58 p.m.
To Kati
So today we start our testimonies
New beginings
With old faces
Starring actors, overrated scarlets.
And all the same, I thought I was leveled and clear of my charges.
Call me on this one.
All I needed was one shot
And everything slips from veiw, displaced.
I guess it
takes
Someone being a fucking boyscout
For me to entirely forget.
Which,
by the way,
for the record,
I thought I had.
I thought I was over this fucked-up teenage poetry but you got me.
You gunned me down
with my face in the dirt
And my hair in your fist.
You finished me off before the flag even got thrown.
This ones for a girl who says she's proud of me. And don't ask why, just use it as a fact, this ones for her. Maybe she knows how shitty this feels. Maybe we can talk it up over mixed drinks sometime. I'll buy. This ones for Kati.
Dear ------,
I'd like you know that I'd tell you everything. If you'd like to know. Even if you're five years too old and a million miles away. I want you to know that I think about what you've written on a daily baises, now isn't that a sight for sore eyes? You should know that my name isn't really -------, it's ----, and I've lied to you from the start. You once said you were sorry. Well, I am so fucking sorry.
I have this box of letters under my bed. If you'd let me, I'd send them to you. For both of our benifits. Me, I don't want them wreaking havoc on my mind, and you could take them or leave them as far as I'm concerned.
I'll always tell them you are my favorite. Even if this won't mean a thing come tomorrow, ----.
Last summer I sat on the floor, back against my box spring. The window was open and I could see the faint outline of black trees on navy sky. The room was in the midst of being painted beige and only the stereo was left. The Beatles were playing. I could taste summer, I could feel summer, even in the winter, remembering it, I felt the breeze blowing ribbons through my fingers.
If you want to know why I'm telling you this. I don't really have an answer for you. I think everyone has moments like that, which turn over your stomach and bring peace to your eyes everytime you recall it.
Remember. Like I said before, I'd like to share mixed drinks over the topic sometime.
