2004-10-10 - 9:43 p.m.
Saturday Night Fever
falling apart. just like it should.
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list of things to do
-learn to dance
-run a red light
-skateboard
-get a dictionary, remember spelling counts
if you could teach me anything, it would be to run a red light. to run with the rest (of the best), across the city, through the the halls, flying and skipping and screaming
for joy.
spare no expense. make the most of this bad time.
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in the order of chaos, where the planes go down, we found our towers crumbling to the floor.
you found your letters.
i picked out my best dress and mirror.
you laughed. "you didn't need those before. what are you going to do with them now?"
(if i ever need a perfect life, you'd be the one i'd come to. everything would play out like it should. we'd wed in white and black with toasts and dancing till the wee hours of morning. fast forward; a few years and too many pinstriped shirts later, we'd slip into the expected family life of quiet desperation.)
all i wanted was a little honesty.
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i do believe my dear, that i am coming down with a sickness.
"i am selfish." he said, "for many reasons. i will never have that scense of 'there is nothing about me that you could know that could possibly hurt me'...which still makes me think this isnt a choice so much as a setup" if we ever had to make a plan, it would be to drive out of state for two hours, turn right at the nearest diner, and break for the coast.
dear -----,
i needed you at ten. (i was in tears.) i want you to know that you could kill someone and i still would think the best of you. no matter what you've done, no matter what you've said i will always love you. i will always sit to talk and drink too much and act up, even though it isn't really necessary. in name and blood, ----.
i think i'm getting sick.
